all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
