are you so shy because you have an std?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
