oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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