Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
