He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
