were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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