Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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