haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize