So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
