I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do herpes really smell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
