she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
