i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
