he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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