Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
