So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
