we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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