If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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