I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
