You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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