I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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