he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
