They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
