somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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