i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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