i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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