Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize