Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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