just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
