So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
