Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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