In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
