ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
