Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
