I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
