Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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