three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
