she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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