i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize