i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
