I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
