I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
