if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
