My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
