I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
