I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize