So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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