I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
