If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
