I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
