You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
