Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
