Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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