the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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