maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am available for nakedness
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
