I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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