i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
