Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize