did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
