this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
