Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
