seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
