We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
