It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize