Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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