3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
