I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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