I want to make a zoo with you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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