This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
