no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
