Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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