Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize