respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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