In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
