I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize