My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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