So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize