just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
