You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
