we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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