I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
