Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
