The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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