Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
