Hey man sorry I got all grabby
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
