My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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