Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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