they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
