We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
