I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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