She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize