Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
