Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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