one might say we're banned from that church
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
