dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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