I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
