i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
