Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i now understand why vodka
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
