dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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