East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
