oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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