need another drink. this is the easiest way
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
