If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
