I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize