the condom got lost in my hair
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pooping to opera.
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