You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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