Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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