She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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