What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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