WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
