hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
