I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The best revenge is premature balding
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
