Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize