I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
