so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
