I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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