okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
