so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
