I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize