Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize