I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
